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BUT I CAN'T

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Submitted Date 05/13/2019
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Private Notes

But I can't,

I say.

I can't,

I can't.

It's too hard

going there and seeing,

seeing the cold hard stone

standing so tall.

It's a monolith that haunts me

in my dreams.

 

Every night since that day

I go to sleep

and wake up

with scenes I've tried to be rid of.

For the past 2 months

I've started taking a small white pill

just to try to keep them at bay

...it doesn't help.

 

And now here I am,

fighting myself,

my thoughts,

my memories,

to try and be here.

I don't know what I am looking for

but someone told me I might find it here.

I don't think they were right.

 

As I head home,

driving the roads as if on autopilot

I tell myself

I can't do that again

I can't

I can't.

But that night,

I don't wake up,

I don't see it

In my dreams.

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  • David Ross Washington Jr 4 years, 11 months ago

    It's too hardgoing there and seeing,seeing the cold hard stonestanding so tall.
    It took me a while to figure out what the poem was about, then I had to retrace my steps of the poem, and these lines put it all into perspective. Definitely all makes sense now. This truly is a hard time for anyone. This describes the feeling of grief perfectly.

    • Ceara 4 years, 11 months ago

      Yeah, I didn't want it to be so clear. Thanks :)

  • No name 4 years, 11 months ago

    Raw and open, you don't shy away from how hard it is.

  • Miranda Fotia 4 years, 10 months ago

    As I head head
    I think this may be a typo on page 2 . Great piece! I can definitely sympathize with feeling like you can't deal with the reminders of losing someone and the feeling of being on autopilot. Thanks for sharing!

    • Ceara 4 years, 10 months ago

      Yes, it was supposed to be head home. Thank you for that!