BUT I CAN'T

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Submitted Date 05/13/2019
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But I can't,

I say.

I can't,

I can't.

It's too hard

going there and seeing,

seeing the cold hard stone

standing so tall.

It's a monolith that haunts me

in my dreams.

 

Every night since that day

I go to sleep

and wake up

with scenes I've tried to be rid of.

For the past 2 months

I've started taking a small white pill

just to try to keep them at bay

...it doesn't help.

 

And now here I am,

fighting myself,

my thoughts,

my memories,

to try and be here.

I don't know what I am looking for

but someone told me I might find it here.

I don't think they were right.

 

As I head head,

driving the roads as if on autopilot

I tell myself

I can't do that again

I can't

I can't.

But that night,

I don't wake up,

I don't see it

In my dreams.

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