Submitted Date 10/19/2018

You've made it past your mid-20s. You've grown, changed and set boundaries. You know what you want and who you need. But there's still one nagging truth you can't seem to escape. Some way, somehow, you still seem to inevitably attract jerks. No matter where you turn it seems the one most interested in you is the bad apple of the bunch. Even in different crowds, in different outfits, with different friends, and a different attitude. You attract the same old bad boys you swore to leave behind.

If you're confused about what makes you so irresistible to liars, cheaters, delinquents, users, abusers, losers and the like, consider this: You may be putting out the wrong signals. Take a look in the mirror and take to heart these five reasons you're still a magnet for garbage men.

1. You Have Resting Bitch Face
I have it. My friends have it. And if you're always being asked “What's wrong?” or “Are you okay?” then you have it too. RBF, or resting bitch face, is a serious issue for women in the dating world – and in general. With RBF the face paradoxically displays an expression of angst, attitude or anger when completely relaxed. You may be thinking, daydreaming or having fun, but you're giving the impression of disinterest or disgust.

What sucks most about RBF is that it is totally involuntary. The way your face naturally appears at rest creates a problem where there was none. So you're constantly explaining and defending yourself to others. Or worse, you never get the chance because people are too afraid to approach you.

But resting bitch face doesn't just repel people and convince them you are actually that b-word before even getting to know you. RBF also attracts certain people to you. Riffraff can find this serious facade appealing; like you have the right amount of sass, or you're as shifty as they are. Nice guys may not be as attracted to women with apparent attitudes. They can be more easily intimidated and gravitate toward someone sweet. Or at least someone with a sweet face.

Trust me, I know how annoying it is to constantly feel like you need to fix your face and be “on” when you're out. You just want to relax and be yourself. But you should consider what message your mug is sending potential suitors. Altering your expression could make a huge difference in who's attracted to and approaches you..

2. You Think Everyone Can Be Redeemed
Some women develop a sixth sense about men. Some continue to get roped in by soul-suckers again and again. If you've had more than your fair share of heartbreak you may be falling victim to your own sunny disposition and optimism. Jaded and judgmental people may talk themselves out of great relationships because they can't handle conflict or imperfection. But the opposite is no good either.

It's honorable to believe anyone can be redeemed no matter how pathetic their past. But this puts you at risk of putting your faith in people who will ultimately let you down, and often pull you down with them. Sometimes people are just who they are and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't fix other people. And not everyone wants to be fixed. Or believes there is even anything to fix. Being saved from your sins requires repentance.

It doesn't diminish your ideals or values to see people for who they are and keep your distance from troubled souls. You don't need to pass judgment to pass on a proposition. Just recognize when a situation is going to take much more from you than it will give.

3. You're too innocent
While the average lowlife may stumble upon a sweet, innocent soul, predators are on the hunt for them. If you're too young, naive or trusting to know some people's entire reason for leaving the house is to hurt someone, you may find yourself attracting more than your fair share of wolves. Oh, they'll be in sheep's clothing, but seasoned daters will have a better chance of spotting them. Life teaches you how to spot the facade, movements and words of ne'er-do-wells. But if you're too innocent you won't be able to see the swipe coning before you get taken down.

4. You're too blunt
But when the pendulum swings the other way it can also backfire and make you a target for garbage. If you come off as no-nonsense, intimidating or too strong bad boys can see you as a challenge to take on. The instinct to conquer a formidable personality and tear down your perceived walls is what makes blunt and forward women vulnerable. Crappy men will take your assertiveness as aggression and your spunk as attitude. But really it's just putting your honest wants at the forefront. And honest people expect honesty from others. So you will take these idiots at face value while they're just telling you what you want to hear.

5. You're too nice
It's great to be nice. And especially as a woman kindness is expected. But a bad boy can mistake your kindness for weakness. And being too nice can put you in some unsavory situations. When doing for others becomes people-pleasing, and helping out becomes a crutch, being nice can quickly turn against you. Don't compromise your own health and safety to make others, or yourself, feel good. When a bad boy needs to be put in his place say it. Even if it's in a nice way.

To figure out why you are appealing to certain people, especially undesirables, look at the signals you're putting out. What kind of person would be attracted to the type of person they think you are. Everyone fails in love sometimes. But learn from your mistakes. And don't forget what led to that trash fire leaving you burned.

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