Submitted Date 04/19/2020

I recently went through about seven months of a little soul searching and a lot of long groans and trip ups trying to find out what it is that I really want to do and where I want to start paving the path to lead me wherever it takes me. I left my previous job as a legal assistant and moved. I focused on writing and art to make some money on the side while applying to (so many) jobs.

A little background: I'm indecisive, I have too many interests, and committing kind of scares me. In college, this was the timeline of my majors: undecided, communication design, visual art, psychology, environmental science, cinematic arts, kinesiology, and human communication. Lots of choices that look weird all together. Granted, I didn't really know myself in college, and I laugh at the idea of me thinking I could be successful. When I settled on communications and pre-law, nothing seemed more like a perfect fit for me. You'd think after this, you'd get a good idea what you want to do after college, and what career you want to pursue. At first, that was not the case for me. I actually was about to work with a new bakery as a pastry assistant after graduating, I had the job locked and was waiting for the opening of the bakery to start. If I had not gone to the college that I do, I would have gone somewhere where I could study pastry arts, I almost did change colleges to do so. However, I was still applying to jobs just in case, since the bakery kept pushing it's opening date, I was afraid I would be moving into an apartment with no income with no sense of how long until the bakery opened. I ended up interviewing somewhere else for the position of a legal assistant and got the job. With still no solid date from the bakery, I informed them I had accepted another position and locked into legal assisting, which I really enjoyed.

A little background, when I was younger my biggest dream was to publish a book. I really just saw myself as an author in the future, that's all I wanted. I used to write for hours about the craziest things. I also love art and always thought I'd thrive working in an art gallery, and I know I'd thrive working in a library. Those are three solids for me. Law was something I discovered I had a passion for in college, it was fairly new to me, and my first real full-time job was legal assisting. I honestly did not realize how much I loved that job until I started my recent one.

I think for me, I was missing creativity, and I thought I really wanted a career that allowed me to be more creative. I was freelancing and working on my online shop on the side of this job, and overall I felt unhappy in where I lived. My mental health was also just declining, and I truly did not feel safe just living alone with myself. I felt like I jumped into a job too fast after college, too, and for some reason I thought this was a bad thing, as if I didn't allow myself enough time to kind of explore my options of the world after college. Which I didn't, I found out there were so many things I could've done differently that I maybe should've. A job straight out of college is not the only pathway you can take.

So, since I did have the privilege to take a mini break from life, I did. I moved out, I quit, and I decided to travel a little, spend more time with friends, and a lot more time researching and writing. I also tried to make more products for my shop, I tried a lot of different things. I felt like I wanted to find a job in publications, editing, art, and what not. I still applied to some legal assisting jobs here and there, and I considered (and still am) getting a paralegal certification. I also considered going back to school. I considered studying to go back to school. I looked into trade schools. I looked into online programs for certifications. I tried to look into everything. It was a whole lot of information and as I kept getting deeper in research, I felt like I just couldn't decide on what to do. I was, again, reading so much into other things that I took my sight off of the main things I like doing and working with: writing, art, law.

Not kidding, when I was nearing too many months of feeling lost and unemployed, I thought I would start a phlebotomy program to be a phlebotomist. How did I get to that conclusion from all of this? I literally have no idea. I got a interview and then a job offer the next few days while I was still keeping in touch with the phlebotomy counselor to almost start the program, and I took the job offer to work in publications.

Working has been different and interesting because I started the job working from home due to the pandemic. I had always waned to work in publications, but I felt like it was a dream I let go of because after researching many jobs, it seemed like I would get no where in applying to publication positions due to needing professional experience. After applying to countless publication position, I had given up on the idea that I'd get a call back.

It's funny how life kind of gives you what you want, but not in the way you expect it. I don't work for any publication company and I don't work with books like I'd want. I work in the medical field of publications, and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. My job has also made me realize how much I miss legal assisting, but I try to stop and ask myself if I miss assisting because of the familiarity, or because I do miss it. I would love to work in law again, too, but I'd want to be more specialized, and there is always going to be that looming thought of should I go to law school, or when will I go to law school, when working as an assistant. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure how I feel about where I am still, and that's okay. I'm getting a feel for what I'm doing now and I'm getting a feel for how I'll be like months later. When I embarked on quitting my job and taking time to really discover what I wanted more, I thought there'd be a timeline on that journey, but I'm starting to think there really is no timeline, and maybe there's no end, and that's okay.

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