WHAT I TOLD HR ABOUT THE BATHROOM DOOR INCIDENT: A GHOST STORY IN 3 PARTS

Part 1: Doors

I’m embarrassed to say I was actually afraid of turning out the lights. This would be the lights on the 3rd floor. This isn’t who I am. I watch scary movies and I sleep soundly. Please don’t tease me about it or tell my colleagues. I’m just telling you how it went down. I haven’t been afraid of turning out the lights since I was a kid. The thing was, I realized that once I turned out the lights, not only the room would be dark but the entire 3rd floor of the building would be lights out. I didn’t hear anything and I didn’t see anything, but I really felt like someone or something was there and they might try something when the lights were out. Maybe it was just that the thought occurred to me and creeped me out. There was no light from the windows. It was late Friday night, or actually, Saturday morning.

I know what you are thinking. Wow, what a wild Friday night! Who works Friday night on a quarterly report? I do. I procrastinated. Then, on Friday, every 5 minutes during the work day I would get interrupted. I couldn’t make progress. The phone would ring. I would get a critical email. Hours go by and I would have no progress to show for all the time going by. Try telling me this doesn’t happen to you.

Working Friday night seemed the way to go. I do procrastinate, but I didn’t wait until Sunday. I went home to the family, put the kids in bed, and I came back in just as everyone else was leaving. The building was empty. The whole parking lot was mine. It was quiet. I went up to the third floor lab and I logged in. I made fantastic progress and the report just looked better and better. Hours went by. I’m not trying to brag about how dedicated I am. I stayed late because I was going to be able to deliver at the last moment. I would be saving my butt. I would be making up for my last minute planning. My supervisor would be surprised, but happy with my work. I guess my last minute procrastination antics are kind of a regular tradition at this point. I think you have a warning letter for me on file for that. I want to point out here though; I am a professional and I get my work done. 

The dark though. The building used to be a theater before they redid it. It was rebuilt for offices because of the fire. I don’t know if anyone died, but I heard it was caused by a cigarette dropped on the floor back when there was a 4th floor in the attic space with an apartment. I can’t find the article about the fire. It was a long time ago. That was before the big building redesign to make it three long hallways of office space with a staircase on each end so we could move in.

The light switch is in an awkward place in the 3rd floor lab. I would have to reach way over the large format printer and turn off the lights. I reported this to the building safety officer. The printer should probably be moved, but that is beside the point.  The thing is, I would have to find my way in the dark back to the door and into the hallway. I turn right with my hand against the wall and walk to the stairway door. Once that door is open, I’ll have light. The stairway lights are always on. I rehearsed it in my head and then snapped off the lights.

My hair stood on end, but I did just what I rehearsed. I found my way to the lit stairway with no problem. I thought, well that was an overreaction! I got all nerved up about the dark and here I was in the stairway with the lights on. Easy. Now time to go home. I get to the landing between the 3rd and 2nd floor when the lights go back out. I paused, but I didn’t panic. Logically, I figured that, yes, the stairway lights are always on, but probably someone on another floor didn’t know the custom about the lights and snapped them off. There are light switches at each floor next to the hallway doors that control the stairway lights. No big deal. I make my way up to the 3rd floor I flip on the light.

I got suspicious though. I thought I might be being pranked. I thought maybe Jerry, you know? He is the one that superglued a quarter to the floor in front of the vending machines. I imagined that on Monday he would be there rubbing it in my nose at the standup meeting about how he freaked me out. I figure I’ll look down the hallway and see if I can catch him. The door to the 3rd floor is locked.

The stairway doors are never locked.

I admit, felt a bit nervous about the door being locked. I hurried down the stairs to the 2nd floor landing and tried the door. It was locked too. This was weird. Was I trapped? I ran as fast as I could down to the first floor and found the door… unlocked. Thank goodness. I walked into the lobby. The lights were one. I saw the parking lot. I was ready to go home.

I would have gone home, but I thought of Jerry. He would be so smug on Monday. I thought I would try to catch him. It had to be him. Who else? I thought what I would have to do is do something unpredictable. I would need to go somewhere he didn’t expect me to go and at a speed he would not have guessed I could attain. If I flipped the script, his planned scenario would break. I’d catch the man behind the curtains, or so I thought.

I ran up three flights of stairs as fast as I can run down them. I know I don’t look the part of an athlete, but I’m telling you I ran those stairs. It was like I was training for the football team. It was my personal best. I got to the 3rd floor and the door… opened right up! I’ have to say, that was a surprise. My whole body was prepared for it to be locked like it was moments before. When the door opened I kind of was off balance. It was like I fell through a trap door even though I was just going into the 3rd floor hallway. I looked around. I checked Jerry’s office. I checked the bathrooms. Not only was the floor empty, but it was pitch dark. The 2nd floor was also unlocked and it was also empty.

I couldn’t explain it. I was out of ideas. If it was Jerry, well then, he got me. He got me good. How did he do it? Where did he hide? I went home. At no point did I think it was a ghost. Also, the parking lot was just my Corolla. Jerry would have had to park far away to pull this one off, which is out of character for him even for a prank I think.

Part 2: My Office

Monday I get to my office on the second floor. I put the key in the lock, but it turned in a strange way as if it had already been unlocked. My bad, I thought. I probably left it unlocked by accident. This is a bad one. If someone finds out I left my door unlocked I could be in big trouble. Everything seemed to be where it should be. You are probably going to write this down, “leaves door unlocked over weekends.” Look, I actually always leave the mechanism locked. Always. If the door closes, it is locked. Some people higher up have a master key, maybe it was them. If I lock myself out, I can call security. I just leave the door locked at all times, even during the day.

Tuesday, I found the door unlocked. I tried the door before I put my key in. Unlocked two days in a row. That is when I reported it. Check with the building manager. I blamed the custodial staff. I told the building manager to tell the custodians to leave my door locked. I regret that now. It was kind of embarrassing when after another week of my door being unlocked every single morning I called them out on it. It was then that I was told that they had been avoiding my office entirely ever since my first complaint. They hadn’t even touched my office. They had been offended at my accusation. The custodial staff that I used to wave to when I saw them were pointedly ignoring me. They still ignore me. Great, now you are going to write down, “doesn’t get along well with custodial staff.”

Then things got weird. My print job to the 2nd floor printer didn’t work out so I sent it to the 3rd floor printer. You should probably get someone on that 2nd floor printer. It still doesn't work, by the way. Anyway, I go from my office on the 2nd floor to the stairwell and make my way to the 3rd floor only to find the stairwell door locked. It has that little window. I knocked. I pounded. I saw people on the 3rd floor and no one heard me. I made lots of noise, but not one person looked my way.

I went back down to the 2nd floor and ran to the other stairwell at the other end of the building. I went up the 3rd floor there and the door opened right up. I went all the way across the building again to the printer, and got my print job. I checked out the door that had just locked me out and found it worked fine. No one laughed or said it had been a joke. Even Jerry, who, can I just say it? He can’t contain himself when he pulls a prank. He didn’t even look up.

I got used to doors that are always open to everyone else being locked on me. I would just go up to a door and if it didn’t open, then I’d just go to the other end of the building and go up the other way. It became a source of exercise. That is exactly how I got all those steps for the company wellness challenge. Thanks for the gift card by the way. It was me just trying to get around the building. If I had my own printer, I totally wouldn’t have won. I’m not bitter. Needless to say, I did not use the elevator. Can you imagine? If the elevator locked me in, that would be it. I’d be done.

Part 3: The Bathroom

Now here we are talking about sexual harassment. The bathroom. I avoided the elevator, as I said, but I couldn’t boycott the bathroom. I had to go. It is small and only has the one toilet. I locked the door. Write that part down. I locked the door. I was doing my business and the door opened.

It was as traumatic for me as it was for her. I’m sorry about what happened. I’ve told you what happened. I know it would be easier if I just said I forgot to lock the door. She says I did it on purpose. She said I’m an exhibitionist. Not true. I did lock the door. I have my wife and family. I have kids. How was I to know that the bathroom door was in cahoots with my office door and would just open? You ought to replace the lock mechanism.

Well, I’ll be out by the end of the day. I kind of saw this coming. I’m sorry things came to this. I told the truth. I understand you are in a tight spot, but it sucks for me. I’m paying for it. You are in HR, you ought to get someone to look into this. You know, someone qualified to check this crazy lock stuff out. It is probably Jerry though. Talk to Jerry.