LOOKING FOR HOME

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Submitted Date 11/28/2019
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I am fallen and lost in depths that I do not know. I'm wading through desires that are not mine, and I cannot find what I do not own. Am I lost in the devices of my own mind, or am I caught in the illusion of a dream?


I feel as if I do not belong in this plane, and I am desperately hoping that I do not. What others call as magic and fantasy are what I cling to as reality. I do not want this to be my home, but I cannot find home. My soul is lost in a forest of death that is never ending, and I am calling out in screams for the light to shine through.


The person I have been told to be is not the right one. I cannot be a soul stuck in a universe that is not mine. But where are my angels, and where are my guiding spirits?


I'm caught in a dream that must belong to another, for this surely cannot be mine. It is said that I am in the place where life needs me at the moment, and that there is a purpose for this aching in my soul. But I do not care for the aching or the results which it may bring. I want to carve out my own destiny. The path I walk should be one that I choose and should not depend on the desires of others. I am me and no one else.


I want to go home, but I do not remember where to find it. And I search and search for it, but it always eludes my grasp. I try to make a new home here, but it never feels like the place I need to be. I cannot remember what my home looks like or how it smells, but I know I am lost from it.


There are so many directions in this world for people who are trying to find where their spirits call home. But do any of them lead to mine, or I am I to be wandering this universe for all its eternity?


If I must spend eternity anywhere, let it be in the embrace of silence and darkness for it would be a better place than this. But not even the darkness will call my name.


So I spend my days trying to cover the desire of my being with mindless numbing tasks. But there will always be the hours when nothing but sadness and desperation slips through. I am abandoned in a strange world with strangers who want to be friends, but I do not want friends. I want home.


Simply existing is worse than no existence at all.


Inspiration: nuages - Dreams

Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/@aeppli

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