Submitted Date 11/15/2019

Sickness in my head is sickness in my soul, and I can't clean it with the bleach poured down my throat. Scratch at my lily-white breasts with your claws. Let me feel you tasting every morsel of myself as I gaze into the black hole of who I am. Love me, so that I may hate myself for not being worthy of you.

Do not let me fall into the black abyss that I have called my home for thousands of years. Letting go of who I am is the hardest journey I have encountered in my time in this universe. Let me go, but grab me as I die.

Take me in the lust of passion lost, and suck the breath from my lungs. Turn me from the beautiful monster I have been since the beginning of time. Yearn for me so that I may wish to be elsewhere, but do not let me disappear into the nothingness. Fuck me that I may feel whole, if only for a moment. But do not make love to my broken bones; broken bones cannot be loved.

I cry in the corners of the rooms that you sleep in. I know that you can hear me in your dreams. Does this mean that we are one flesh and soul? No. I can never be one with a monster.

Foolish is the word for what you are. You are foolish to think that you can save darkness. The dark of me cannot be pierced by the light. I will swallow your light whole and take you with it. That is a journey you must not risk.

Let me fall. Let the oblivion take me away and make me its Queen. The stars need a ruler if they are to continue to shine. Worlds cannot see the light of stars if there is no darkness ruling behind them, and so I must go.

I must fly to the outer edges of the universe and become the monster of the moons and planets. I will not venture into the boundaries of the sun while it shines. Yet, when it has rested for the evening, I shall take its place as the ruler of worlds. One day, this ruler of worlds will vanish for the rest of eternity. And my endless reign will begin.

There is no space for you in my throne room; your purity cannot co-exist with evil. Yet, before I Ieave, let me taste your flesh once more. Let me clutch at your throat and beg for you to save me. But you must not listen to my empty pleas, as they are only the cries of my mind. My mind must not be trusted, for it is my soul that is master of this flesh of mine.

Run from me, but do not leave. Let me go, but hold me close forever. I am to be perpetually empty while continuously craving you in my heart. There is no place for me by your side. You are clothed in dignity and passionate love, while I am draped in lustful anger. Anger and passion cannot live together for long without breaking.

I shall leave your side when the sun has set and take my place among the stars. When you see them shining upon you, send a prayer to me. Perhaps I will catch it in my fist and take in your scent one more time.

Inspiration: La Roux - Let Me Down Gently

Photo Credit: Rakicevic Nenad,

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