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DIVORCE
Private Notes
Private Notes
Notes
DIVORCE
Age 4, Sharon, Connecticut, 1948
-- This is one poem, in an autobiographical series of poems, that I posted here at WriteSpike. Go to my stories section for others. They are in chronological order. --
the day my father left
was the beginning of my memory
before that only faint pictures
Santa Fe
a rattle snake they had to kill
after that
the world sharply etched
my brain now jelled
so even with a child's mind
I had clear snapshots:
Daddy in a heavy overcoat
carrying plaid bags to our black car
coming back into the house
Mommy at the doorway
them yelling
me running, pulling on his hem
my eyes blurred
the hard thump
as he dropped the bags
hugging me
promising to come back
then me standing on the sidewalk
the old DeSoto
starting up
the smell of exhaust
leaving me
its rough gears
as it climbed the road
in late afternoon
in yellow light
smaller
over the top of the hill
gone
I felt a knife in my stomach
and a taste like metal
on my tongue
it was almost like the pain of birth
Comments
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This felt so real! Awesome writing Rick. I like the sincerity and emotion you put into it. It must have been a pretty intense moment for you. Hope you carried on well. Thanks for sharing!
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Nice use of the child POV - very difficult to pull off. Good job.
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Sorry that I did not see your comment until now. I like to respond to what people say. I was brought up around a bunch of actors, so in this poem I tried to actually see the world through a child's eyes, hoping that I could remember the incident clearly enough.
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Thanks, Tomas -- I had to put myself back into a child's POV yet with something of the understanding of an adult. So I used simple language mixed with some things that only an adult would perceive when remembering.