Submitted Date 12/16/2019

Love is life or so I am told. But if love is the meaning of life, what happens when you do not have love?

I was once filled to the brim and overflowing with the joy that comes from the loving of another. But dark clouds came and shut out the sun. I no longer bask in the rays of warmth, but shiver in the corner as the cold overtakes my soul.

No more am I filled with your warm and strong embraces. My arms do not have the strength to hold me as yours did.

Lust drove you from me as I grasped helplessly at your back. Every time I thought I had a grip, you slipped away from me.

How I long for you to once again undress me with the gentle movements you used to have. If we could dance under the sheets again, perhaps you would remember that you loved me. But I know that, even if I could convince you, it would be a rape of my soul.

You drove away the kindness in your heart towards me and gave it to another. I hope she is able to be what you need. I would say that I am sorry for not fulfilling you, but I will not apologize for being my genuine self or deny myself to keep a fake peace.

I am beginning to disconnect from the reality we once shared. Healing will not come without the acceptance and removal of us.

Your lust broke us, but my love will restore me.

I will forever cherish the memory of our hands entwined as you kissed me into ecstasy. I have not yet found this in another, but perhaps I must first find it in myself.

So, as I stand on the edge of tomorrow, I reminisce of a life that will never be. But in midst of memories, I will write a new reality. If I listen to the wisdom of my voice, I know what life I need. But I have a hard time listening. Still, the strength in my heart will prevail even though it will take time.

For now, I will choose to remember the smiles, laughter, and gentle kisses. For even though some memories sadden my soul, the happy ones will always make my heart sing with joy.

I will always love you even when I do not love you. The life we had will never be a burden but a stepping stone.

From your lust, I have learned how to truly love.


Photo Credit: Rakicevic Nenad,

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