CAN YOU BE A PROVIDER WITHOUT THE FINANCES?

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Submitted Date 01/14/2019
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You know I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, and I said to him, “is it possible to put your parents up for adoption?” While I’m at it, add the whole family. Just throw the whole family away (metaphorically speaking), well most of them.. You know kids can be put up for adoption, so I really came up with the thought of the possibility that you could do the same for your parents. We don’t choose our parents, our parents choose us, or at least some of them do, if you catch my drift.

My family basically does all of nothing for me. I’ve always lived a life of independence. Independence, with a dependent family, whom I have had to depend on due to their dependence of me, being pressured to satisfy their needs and what they thought was best of me. It’s cycle, a black hole that is. I continue to be drained until there’s nothing left. From a young age, I was forced to grow up because my parents weren’t there to provide financially, mentally, and emotionally. I took on the majority of the responsibility to do for self, and not just myself, but also my siblings that came following, years down the line.

In our world, time and actions aren’t always valued. It’s always the breadwinner that takes the credit for everything. You know, the husband that gets his way, and all the credit because he makes the money, which is quite dangerous. Women get told, she doesn’t deserve a right to their money if a divorce is ever to happen because, “she didn’t work for it,” “she should get a job.” But she had been working all along, being a mother, a parent, it’s a full-time job in itself, and it last for a lifetime.

As I grew up, the way that I did, I realized that women do deserve to be compensated for what they do, raising children day in and day out, for those that choose to be the housewife, mothering the kids, and being the glue to the family. That’s exactly what I did and do. Whenever my parents needed someone to watch the kids, I watched the kids, till that responsibility rolled over to the next sibling in line. Whenever one of my siblings needed help with homework, here’s some David Neutron being telephoned to help out. Whenever a family member needed help with their technologies, here goes David Geeks’rus Squad to save the day, despite the fact that I’m not a computer technician. I mean just use computers and enjoy technology. When errands needed to be ran, going to the grocery store, making flyers, transportation, etc, I’m on call like a Lyft driver. When things went wrong with one of my siblings, life coach Dave is one speed dial to navigate that sibling on the right path.

Don’t people get paid for this? Lyft drivers, best buy geek squad, tutors, mentors, baby sitters, but I never got paid a dime. I wouldn’t mind as much if I actually got paid for it. If I got paid for even half the things I do for my family, I wouldn’t be in the financial slump I am in now. This is exactly how you can be a provider without the finances, BEING USED. Which is often common with families.

People often take advantage of the fact that you’re their family, thinking they are obligated to perks of free services, as if they’re the ones that word to pay for such benefits. This is how to you get tied up into a never ending black hole cycle of being drained until you’re rotted up like a dandelion in the Sierra Desert, both financially, physically, and mentally. They know you love them because they’re family you would feel guilt and shame to say no or to charge them a single dime. Then because you feel this way, you never make any money. So you’re financially drained, you’re spending all your time helping and never gaining, but always being charged a high opportunity cost to be “right” as a family member.

I know you’ve heard that you can’t have brawn without brains. That’s equivalent to the societal view that being a provider is solely for those with the finances (brawn), and every else is not (skills, creativity, and course course smarts = brains). You can have the toughest fighter in the world, but without skill, the fighter (Hulk) and his or her power, will not last (Flash) . Remember David slain Goliath, though Goliath was bigger and more powerful, 10s of times over, David with his brains, and skill wore Goliath out. So those artsy/creativity individuals that are told, “get a real job,” you are valuable. Us freelance writers that writes everyone’s souls into the blogosphere, this is a real job, it’s a career. Those writers, the co-workers on the team that may be introverted, that know how to be a team player, being a leader rather than a boss, that gives the best ideas, even if at times, they’re not the best at presenting them. You are an asset. You are a provider.

So let me phrase this again, what is a provider? A provider is a person that provides a service, a service that is beneficial to another individual, such a service that is needed (they are requesting it, so they need it), and wanted, that provides a benefit necessary for the person to continue on with their daily routine and life (as efficiently as they do, with you). So ask yourself? Are you a provider? More than likely, you are.

One of my favorite shows, an anime, One Piece has this special power called Haki. There are 3 types, conqueror’s (will power), armament (invisible armored protection, offensive & defensive), and observation (perception, evading). With observation haki, it is said that every attack has an intent, and perceiving that intent you can tell when an attack is coming. Well I feel like I have that. I’ve been verbally attacked where my grandma picks fights with me on a rather consistent basis, to the fact I avoid certain parts of her house because it’s like I’m traumatized, there are certain energies that just linger in certain areas, and I can still feel that intent in those areas. I know soon as I step in that area, I can feel the intent behind me ready to jump on me and attack. I told this to a close friend.

Your words have power when you talk. We’ve all heard the myth when we were younger, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” That’s a lie. Words hurt, sometimes worse than physical wounds. We have a brain, and our brain stores memories; that’s how we learn, function and operate. Memories are re(mem)bered. So when you say something to someone, that becomes tattoo’d in their brain, and a specific word or action can trigger that memory to resurface. There’s a saying, a person may not always remember what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

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