BREATH

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Submitted Date 08/15/2021
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Not even the morning rain could hide the tears that were,
at this point,
streaming down her tired face.
She had been here over and over again and every time she felt like she was losing more and more of herself.
Would she ever find herself again,
smile again,
be okay?
Like before she hid how she really felt,
she hid the emptiness that lurked around every corner.
The darkness had all but became her,
it was there not hiding anymore but making its presents known,
well known.
Enough so that even strangers could tell she had some kind of dark sadness to her that no one should ever have to hold on to.
For so long all she wanted was peace,
to be happy and enjoy her life.
For as long as she could remember she had loved,
loved so hard but yet to receive that same love in return.
All she longed for was warm arms to keep her safe from all the darkness,
from all the pain.
She always found herself a lone in a room,
many voices surrounding her but not one telling her it's okay,
not one holding out a hand to keep her from falling further into a dark hole of emptiness,
a dark hole she somehow created with all her empty feelings.
Never in a million years did she think she could feel this alone,
lost,
empty and broken.
Where was her knight and shining armor?
Where was her fairy Godmother?
Where was her Genie in a bottle?
Hell where was Rumpelstiltskin,
at this point she'd take anyone of them.
Where was this light at the end of the tunnel everyone talked about?
It was all bullshit,
fairy tales,
make believe.
Horror stories seemed more real to her at this point.
What had she done in her life to end up so lonely,
yet surrounded by so many people?
She was a great mom,
wonderful wife,
best sister,
loving daughter,
she was what she was raised to be.
What she thought life told her she had to be.
You'll get married,
have kids,
raise them together in love.
It all went south at some point and she has no idea where or when or how....
Here she was listening to sad love songs crying to herself so the kids don't hear in the next room.
Wiping the tears before her husband can see the traces of what was just there.
Fixing her voice so her mother doesn't notice when she calls.
She could hide her pain better than any high paid Hollywood star.
No one could even tell how bad she ached inside,
sometimes they would notice the sadness in her voice but never did she let them know how bad it was.
How hard she would cry when she knew she was safely alone.
No one knew how bad her heart would ache every time she'd close her eyes and see what use to be.
All she could do now was breath….
Just sit in silents let the tears flow and breath.
Because no matter how bad it was or how sad she felt,
or how hopeless life seemed.
She was alive and she was breathing.
Yes every breath was a little harder than the next but eventually it got easier to breath.
She picked herself up off the bedroom floor,
wiped her face and walked out her bedroom door.
She could face the world,
she knew she could all she had to do was take so time to breath and she was good.
 



 

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