Submitted Date 02/11/2019


This guy is way out of my league, but I try to convince myself that he is lucky to have me because I'm not like most girls. I know girls hate to hear a girl classify herself as someone more special than the rest, but its true. I'm different in good ways and in the bad. For instance my boyfriend is the center of attention because he is the star of our college basketball team, you would expect me to be the pretty cheerleader girlfriend, but I'm not. I'm behind the scenes taking pictures. Sure I might get ignored or I don't get acknowledged at the fact that I am his girlfriend, but I'm a lot more happier not being noticed. I love photography, but I'm also studying physiology. I've always been amazed at how a picture could trigger so many feeling and emotions, that's why I never gave up on my passion. My fellow college students don't know it, but I'm actually well known on social media for my pictures. I don't expose my name or face so I won't put a spotlight on myself that I'm not ready to handle. I'd rather work anonymously so that everyone will focus on the art and not so much of who I am. My Instagram has a total of 11 million followers from all of the pictures that I took from traveling around the world with my father. When he passed, my desire to study abroad changed, so I decided to stay at a university to focus on my dreams. Surprisingly I'm still able to keep my social media celebrity status away from Derron, but I think it's because he is more focused on his dreams too. If it wasn't for his drive, I wouldn't be with him. I love that my desire to work hard has inspired him to want a better life for himself. Before we started dating, all he cared about was what everyone thought about him, partying, and just getting though each class without learning a single thing. Now he thinks more about the companies he will own, the children he will help, and living up to his own measurements of success.

I lay in my dorm searching through the photos that I took at the beach. I took a lot of beautiful pictures of the sea life and I can't wait to upload them so that my followers can see the beauty that is in our everyday life. A few seconds later, I heard a knock on the door. It has to be Derron during this time of night. My roommate is always at some guys dorm passed out which is fine with me because I won't have to wake up to see her favorite strangers.
"Hey hows it going?" Derron said
"It's fine I'm just getting ready to upload some pictures that I took at the Beach". I replied
Why didn't you invite me?" he said with a puzzled look on his face.
You seemed busy". I replied
I know that it would be a great idea to have a romantic date at the beach, but if I invited him, he wouldn't let me focus on my work. I love to stare at his puppy eyes when he misses me, but I just get scared that being so open and public will destroy our relationship. Before our society watered down to this lifestyle of just looking happy, pretending to be happy, and social media, there was real love. I have real love, but I'm not certain, if Derron does. I often think about the outcome if we were that couple that just post pictures often or even worse.......becoming a YouTube couple. I'm happy in my life right now and I just don't want to risk letting that all go for anyone

He sat on my bed and played with my feet until I laughed from the ticklish spot that he knows about. He than kissed my toes one by one. His mouth felt like a fish tickling my toes. After that he created a path of kisses from my toes up leading to my mouth. The heat in the room instantly became a sauna, but I'm as still as cold water. Before he could send me into a world, I can't return from, I decided to pull away and fix my clothing from.
" Hey we've been dating for six months now why haven't you gave your body to me?" he said in a serious voice.
" Well, I'm not ready for all of that, I'm still not comfortable with doing this". I replied
" I thought that you said you love me" he said.
" I do love you and if you look up the word "love" sex isn't apart of the definition. I may not show you love in the way you think I should, but at least I have real love. The type of love that wants to grow with you, not open my legs for you every chance that I get. When I'm ready is when it will happen, but until then I won't damage my mind by thinking I made a mistake" I replied.
"So I'm a mistake now?" he said angrily.
"No that's not what I'm trying to say" I replied.
"I'm going to take a shower" he said.
He wiped the droplets of sweat from his head and started towards the bathroom to take a shower. I feel bad for making him upset, but at the same time I don't want to lie to myself and him by getting his hopes up about sleeping with me If I know deep down inside I'm not ready for it. Maybe it's just time for me to stop holding on to something that's not meant to be. I would hate to feel like someone who is holding back from love just because I'm not comfortable with sleeping with him. I'm pretty sure plenty of women would love to have him, but he chose me and that's what I hold on to the most. As I lay on my bed looking through our secret pictures together, I couldn't hel but think If he would be more happy without me. The scent of Old Spice crept out of the bathrrom into my nose. I love when a man smells good and that's one of the many things I love about Derron

While I starred at my laptop waiting for my photos to upload, I kept hearing his Iphone go off. I thought maybe it would be his parents on Facebook again commmenting under all of his pictures, but when it continued I had to pick up his phone to see who was blowing him up. The notifications are from Instagram and I'm curious to see what he has posted to make him blow up like this. He is handsome, so it's possible that some dry mouthed girls are giving him all the likes and comments. When I tried to unlock his phone it didnt't work which is odd because the last time I checked, the password was my name. I then seen a text message from a girl named Michaela. She asked if he was ready to go out. My heart dropped fast and I wish I didn't see what I saw, but I saw it. I had to act fast before he could see me snooping through his phone. I heard the shower turn off and he exited the bathroom dragging the scent of his bodywash and steam along with him. Luckily, I placed his phone back where it was before he could suspect me doing anything with it.

"Hey I'm sorry" he said.

"About what?" I replied

"Making you feel like you have to sleep with me in order to love me" he said with guilt on his face."

"It's okay" I replied

He's so dumb, he doesn't even know when I'm not okay. I know men can't read minds, but they should read faces and right now my face definantly shows dissapointment. He kissed me, grabbed his phone, and walked out the door. How dare he? How dare I? No, how dare he? In his defense he is going to know why I looked through his phone and insist that it is a lack of trust thus concluding that I have trust issues, but....................I technically didn't go through his phone because he has a new password which will set him up to tell me why it's not my name anymore and why he is going out with another female. Okay, I believe I have my story together now it's time to set the table and by set the table I mean completley destroy him, if he is doing what I think he is doing.I threw on one of my hoodies and packed my camera. I'm not very familliar with the whole college party life so I just have to ear hustle a bit and sneak around to see what's happening tonight. It was an even harder investigation because there is no such thing as one collge party, there are literally severall because its a competiton to see who can get the most guest to arrive. The block was filled with drunken students, half naked women, and loud music. I than begin to realize that I actually chose this life over traveling the world. Great choice. As I lurked the streets I was alerted by the sound of Derron's voice. I continued to follow his voice, until I got closer and closer. I hid to make sure I wasn't interuppting his wrong doings. Behind a bush, I watched him talking to a bombshell leaned against a car that I know for a fact isn't his, but I'm pretty sure he told her that to impress her. She looks just like money, I can't deny she is a major upgrade from me when it comes to look, but what about her heart? From the looks of it she thinks with her breast instead of her heart because those puppies are out there. I can tell that she wants him bad and he is showing that he wants her two. I want to throw up just watching the wo interact. When he stroked her bare legs, it made me want to rise from the bush and scream from the top of my lungs, but I have to be smart

The conversation was no longer a conversation when the two locked lips.Tears fell from my eyes, my heart began to beat faster, and I felt the infamous lump of hurt in my throat. She took him by the hand and led him into the house that the car was parked in front of. I followed them, but tried to keep a low profile the best way I could. The house was filled with my fellow students. The stench of beer and pot filled my nose, I don't understand how anyone can tolerate this stuff. She lead him into an empty which is so cliche and classless, but hey this is what he likes now I guess. College doorm room trash. The door was cracked enough for me to get a peek of them. Honestly both of them have to be stupid. Why wouldn't you shut the door if you're gonna hook up with someone. I pulled out my camera to snap pictures of them to prepare the evidence when he presents several lies. As heartbreaking as this is to see with my very eyes, I'm actually proud of myself for not giving in to a fool like him. I won't tolerate being treated this way just because I won't open my legs. This is clearly what he wants, not me. He's gonna get it.

Back at my doorm room I went back to uploading my pictures again, but then another idea came to mind. I pulled the scrapbook fromunderneath my bed that I made for Derron as a present for our anniversary. As I looked through the pictures of us together that we kept just for ourselves, the little tears became rivers of misery. I was genuinley happy and he pretended to be. I feel so used, but I will not let him break me. I tore out all of the pages that I customized and started to create a new one. This time it will feature him and his lover who is clearly better than me. As angry as I am, this had to be the most creative thing I've ever done. The betrayal I feel will not be used for revenge, it will be used for power. I delivered the scrapbook to his door without a knock or note. It actually felt really great to relieve myslelf from him, but I can't help, but think that all of the memories that we shared together were lies. Even if he used me to boost his ego. I think about all of the real love that I gave him vs the fake love that I recieved. I guess there are several images and definitions of love.