ANOTHER DEAR JOHN

Should I start with I'm sorry?

Maybe a pause as I search for better words?

You look into my eyes and

In the silence of my thoughts

You hear the roar of your pain.

Without a word said your heart is breaking

And my mouth is dry,

I'm choking on goodbye, it feels like death.

I close my eyes against the melting sun

So I don't see the tear drop

Onto your perfectly polished toe.

"it's not you", I begin.

It comes out harshly

As death is hard to swallow.

I try again to tell you how

I'll cherish our memories

But fail as it sounds fake and insincere.

Finally, it comes to just four words.

Three of which I wish I'd never said,

But I did.

To take them away is unfair.

To let them remain is.... Well, worse.

I ever so softly say "I don't love you"

And wait in silence as the night air

Cools my burning skin.

Opening my eyes to look at you,

I see the tears

in your beautiful green eyes

Have dried.

Your fingers dance along

The bark of our oak tree,

You lean against it and

With the tiniest shrug

You tilt your head sideways,

And for a moment I doubt my own words.

Then you say,

"I don't love you either, my heart isn't yours to break."

Touching your fingers to my lips

You smile, then turn and walk away.

Staring after you in silence

I think, maybe, I love you.