YEARNING

I yearn to be that little girl again

the one who sat reading books

in her bedroom all day

the one who just wanted to help

her mother do everything

the one who played with plastic beads

in an empty cookie container "making soup."

That little girl loved unconditionally

thought optimistically

felt empathy for all,

but she'd gone now

in the abyss of adulthood

scrambling to climb the scraggly edge

cutting her hands with every attempt.

Maybe she's given up by now

she certainly hasn't been found.

Perhaps she never will be

as hard as I have searched

as much as I have yearned

that little girl has disappeared

and this woman has replaced her.