HOW TO SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE

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Submitted Date 12/07/2019
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Joe was a nice enough fellow. We first met when he visited one of my emergency room patients. He was very helpful with keeping the patient comfortable and entertained.

Quite a while after the patient left, Joe was back.

"Did you forget something?" I asked.

Joe shuffled about a little before telling me he had nowhere else to go right then. He would like to hang around a bit more. It was Christmas Eve.

Joe wasn't estranged from his family. He wasn't living on the street; nor was he a criminal with a restraining order of any type. No family tragedy or horrible misfortune left him alone.

Joe was a student at the local university. He couldn't pay for an airplane ticket home and he knew his parents couldn't either. To keep his parents from feeling bad, Joe told them he was working.

Not as unusual as you might think

Millions of folks like Joe will be alone for Christmas this season. Nothing bad had to happen to put them in that situation. Many are simple victims of circumstance.

Nancy's first Christmas alone happened because she had to work on Christmas Eve. Her family took their traditional overseas trip without her.

Jeff's wife was deployed to Afghanistan. Their families lived thousands of miles away from the military base.

His big promotion left Robert alone in the city while his family and friends celebrated together back home.

Of course, death and tragedy can also play a role. My first Christmas alone was an attempt to avoid any awkwardness after my divorce.

Whatever the reason you are alone, it's best to address the situation and not try to hide from it.

Managing the holidays properly can make the difference between a joyful and lifting experience versus the type of soul-crushing memory that requires years of therapy.

Well, for most of us it will be somewhere in between, but you get the point.

Waxing nostalgic

Christmas memories are often some of the fondest memories we have. But too many people think remembering past Christmases will make them depressed if they are alone.

The smell of Christmas cookies and cider makes us miss home and family, so they try to avoid it. But the reason they make us miss home is that cookies and cider are happy memories. They induce nostalgia.

Nostalgia makes us feel all warm and fuzzy. We want memories like that; memories that make us close our eyes and smile as history plays out in our brains.

That means sleeping or drinking the day away is out of the question. Christmas will happen this year whether you are sulking in bed or delivering toys with Santa.

Trying to "skip" Christmas will make you more prone to anxiety and depression, common in the winter months that follow. Don't do that to yourself.

Here are some ideas about how to spend Christmas alone. They're not all my ideas. Most were obtained from folks helping me get through a couple of lonely seasons, too.

Try them. Let nostalgia warm your heart and keep you among the Christmas joyful.

Embrace tradition

Nothing induces warmth and nostalgia like Christmas traditions.

During my first season alone, I did not decorate my apartment. I avoided Christmas shows on TV as much as I could. There were no Christmas candies in my kitchen.

As Christmas approached, I found myself staying later at work and hitting the holiday parties harder than usual. I hated going home.

On Christmas Eve, an old friend brought a dismal little tree to my place and we decorated it. Then we watched an awful Christmas movie while we made fun of the tree. She made me promise to always decorate and celebrate the day she knew I secretly loved.

If you always play Christmas music, play Christmas music. If you always attend a service, attend a service. Shop in your favorite stores. Eat your favorite food. Put up lights. Watch Frosty. Make your Christmas as close to normal as possible. It is the most effective way to lift your spirits during the season.

Reach out to loved ones

Think about this. In one house, a dozen family members are enjoying great food, presents, music, and conversation. In an apartment 200 miles away, a single person watches "Miracle on 34th Street" and munches on popcorn. Who is more likely to think about calling the other?

Don't rationalize that your family or friends are busy. They are simply distracted. Call them every Christmas. They will be as happy to hear from you as you will be to hear them.

Go for a walk

The best remedy for loneliness or depression is to get out of the house. Believe it or not, people are on the streets during Christmas. Why not stop by the local convenience store or gas station and say hello? Make eye contact and say, "Merry Christmas" to police officers, bus and taxi drivers.

Get some air and share some smiles. I guarantee smiles will be shared back.

Bring something else to share

My neighbor dragged me out with him one Christmas afternoon. We handed out hundreds of Christmas cookies to toll collectors, nursing home workers, security guards, and other folks. It was something he started doing years earlier.

It didn't matter if they don't observe the holiday. They smiled and were thankful for the kindness.

Share some time or conversation

Sharing always lifts our spirits.Stop by a hospital, nursing home, or assisted living facility. Ask the staff which patients have no visitors and spend time with them. Start a conversation about Christmases past. Nostalgia for two… it will be awesome.

If you'd like, you can hang out with the patients in my emergency room.

The most wonderful time of the year!

Spending Christmas alone happens to almost everyone at some point in their life. It doesn't have to ruin your Christmas or dampen your spirit.

Let yourself remember good times. Share yourself when you can. Let others share themselves.

Christmas recognizes the best day the world has ever known. Don't let a lack of company keep you from enjoying its magic.

 

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