Submitted Date 12/06/2018

November 2017


I realized that I was the only person at the bar. In fact, I was the only person in the entire place, save the bartender - a fat bald man with a face friendly like a rabid pitbull.

Christ,  I thought, what the hell am I doing in a place like this?

I was in Denver, and I was out of my element. Denver is too beautiful of a town for a guy like me. I’m from the east coast, the northeast to be exact, and I don’t take too kindly to people being too kind. The bartender seemed to notice how angry I was and asked me to leave after I didn't tip him for pouring me three beers and spilling one on me. I am a not a fighter, and I did as I was told. When I crossed the street from the bar, a car beeped its horn at me and halted to a stop at the crosswalk. I slapped my hands on the hood and flipped up my middle finger to the driver as I yelled, “What the hell are you doing? I’m walking here!” The poor guy behind the wheel rolled down the window and apologized. Suddenly, I became the asshole in the situation.

I made my way to Cheesman Park in the Capitol Hill neighborhood, but stopped at a liquor store on the corner of Ogden and grabbed a fifth of whiskey. It was dark, and I felt nervous because like when I was at the bar, I was drinking alone again. I took a gulp of the whiskey and I thought about how I would be going home the next day and how everything would be alright.

“I’ll be back on the east coast in twenty-four hours. I’ll call up some friends. I won’t drink alone anymore. I won't be alone anymore.” I told myself.

And then it was gone - just like that a happy thought left my mind and I began to think about how silly everything was. I have friends, but I always drink alone, why would I call them? I live alone. I sleep alone. And as I sat there in the grass of the park and looking up at the dark sky, I understood how utterly lonely I was. It's who I am - I guess. That's when a conversation with an old friend popped into my mind. She once told me something along the lines of, “Being alone is beautiful. You may find out a lot about yourself when you realize that you are alone.” 


I don't buy it.


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