Submitted Date 01/10/2020

In the beginning you were a beautiful flower that bloomed fresh in every sunrise, but then I came and took you away. The more you tried to flee, the more tired you became. If you had given in, you might have been filled. Filled with what though? That is the question. But if there were answers in life, no mystery would remain. Without the mystery of mystery, would you even be who you are?

I danced with you as you attempted to escape; a dance of panicked movement for you but a slow gentle waltz for me. I suppose that is messed up to say, for how could I find peace in your pain? My pleasure is found within the panic of others. It is the person I am.

I was once called a psychopath by the woman who birthed me. There was a hint of doubt in her voice when she spoke those words, as if she hoped she was telling a lie. Alas, she told the truth. Or at least I think she did. How does one know if that is what they are? And even so, did I choose this path?

It has been said that fate decides who we are, and we have no choice but to go along for the ride. If that is so, then you had no choice but to dance this passionate fear with me and it makes me giddy to know that.

If you took a photo of my heart, I'm sure you would find a lump of rock. More black than the darkness of midnight it would be. But am I a psychopath if I wish I could escape this path that fate has paved for me? I do not know.

Oh how difficult it is to figure out the person that I am. There are days when I think I wish to change, and other days...well, not so much. How complicated I am.

Most of the time, I don't care about anyone or anything other than myself. But sometimes, I feel a twinge in this rock of mine. The day I danced with you, a tremor shook my chest and I thought I felt how you did. Your panic resonated deep within me. Gone within less than a thought, but it was there.

I do not know how to change even if I wanted to, and I do not know if I want to. Knowing what one wants is even more complicated than knowing whom one is. I think if I could dance with you once again, you might be able to show me. But you have been long gone from this plane.

Perhaps that is the one choice I truly regret in my life... You... But what part of you do I regret?


Photo Credit: luizclas,

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